oh, yes.

While on the phone I had to remind myself that we are not together
Just a couple of performers performing magic tricks
The illusion of relating

I tell him I miss him
With no expectation that he would also
He called to see if I was out
Says he feels guilty leaving in the middle of the night but needs to be home tonight
So he called while driving further away from me

I struggled not to call him all day
He says I’m the best
Has lower standards than the hookers I watch some nights
I wonder how he thinks my halfhearted attempts are charming
I hold my tongue a lot
He doesn’t deserve my honesty
Won’t know where to store it
There is no rulebook for this, ya know

I tell him about the poems I write
He doesn’t get it
Doesn’t believe in the silence of midnight
Says we have the best conversation
I am hardly listening
Waiting for him to look me in my eyes long enough to know that I am ready
For when we stop talking
For when we press into each other
It has been 3 long ass weeks
And cuddling is not on my mind
Don’t wanna platonic talk
Wanna break shit
Wanna smash hips
Want to reckless
Release this “cant”
I will be “yes” all night.


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