I told him as the smoke bellowed
That I wanted to know him
Was afraid I’d not get the chance to
He pulled out his phone before I finished the sentence

I had never looked into a man
So tender before
Considered taking up new practices
And shedding old hang-ups
Allowed fear no space in my heart
Its wild beat made my mouth stutter too often when in his presence
So I hide him in a poem
Spit it looking in another direction
My heart staring his skin off
When I took 4 steps off that stage his arms were wide enough to catch me in
Smile wide enough to believe it was meant for me
I get ahead of time sometimes clearly
Saw something I guess God aint as committed to as I was willing to be
And how long do you chase a shadow?
How long will I try to find mate in ghost?
Funny how this poem is sounding familiar like the one I wrote when the crush of disinterest came barreling into me
Call him plow and I am snow
All over the ground for him

I am snowflake delicate
Half way from heaven
Finding future in men rare as faith in times of doubt
But this feeling is not enough to make a home
To keep me safe as I crave to be
Not more than words on page and emotion that will rattle around in me
Homeless nomad emotions
Will be gone before I settle into the comfort of my next home
In a zip code I do not know

I will not whisper his name into the cosmos
Will not wish him nearer than he wants to be
I will not make it easy to love me half-heartedly

And so..
I will not call or text again
Will not find reasons to create a connection

Should you find yourself afraid as I was when I sat down next to you
Smoke bellowing
Air of marshmallow
I hope you do just as you did then
Punch in my number
But this time press send.


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